I’ve seen some episodes of his reality show. I had a perception of him as a family man, power business man, loyal guy and has a beautiful family. He’s like a natural and always keeps his cool. I was surprised with the news that I’ve seen and read at Yahoo that her longtime girlfriend Shannon Tweed is finally giving up on him. It was shown in an episode that she was upset upon seeing a picture of Gene with two sexy ladies. The couple had an appearance at the Today’s show and they were pretty cold with each other! Even the hosts of the show were also tense with the couple’s misunderstanding. The couple also had another appearance at The Joy Behar Show and this time Shannon Tweed walks out! It was another pretty tense moment.

When you’ll arrive to the place, it screams “you can relax here!” There are rooms that are facing the pool and every room has a balcony with modern colored accent that I really like. There are palm trees around the pool side which makes you feel like you’re in Malibu! Haha! Every detail design of the hotel is well planned. I like the shower area with stones in it like your in the spa.

It reminds me of  The W Hotels in the US coz of the name and both have similar styles. Though the The W Hotels in the US are world class, The N Hotel has the resemblance of it and somehow for us  Kagay-anon’s here can have a taste of what The W is like.

The hotel has just opened so it’s great to check it out while it’s still new! Located at Kauswagan Highway, Cagayan de Oro City, Philippines. Check out some of these pics:

This predicament taught me to stop trusting people. It taught me not to trust the people that I have trusted before, whom I thought would choose to be on my side. It taught me that it’s better to be alone and just rely on myself. If I continue to want that person, it’s stupidity already and insult for myself. And with that I’d be choosing a life of self-inflicted torture and torment which I don’t deserve. They always keep saying that I’m a bad person and I deserve to be treated badly. I wouldn’t act in a bad manner if I didn’t see untruthfulness and disrespect in any way.

People do come in our lives for a reason. But for this bunch of people I got to know, they befriended me with the intention of doing something bad. Everyday I wake up and ask myself why did these people did bad things to me? Was I mean to them in the first encounter? I always believe that the things you do to people would reciprocate back to you. I never had the intention of hurting people but if I see that a person is mean, I fight back.

Another reason they have was that it was just a joke. It was such a very sick joke! Making me believe that this person was real. I’m totally disgusted, giving me twisted info, making me waste my time. I also blame myself for trusting that person. Another thing I’ve learned about this predicament is that every person has a bad intention so I should be careful with people I would I meet or get to know.

My FORMER best friend now I consider as my enemy told me that I would be having a hard time having a bf bcoz she finds me serious. I totally agree. I’m a serious person and I don’t have the talent for having a sense of humor! But I know how to laugh with jokes that are funny that doesn’t involve personal lives! With the joke part that they did, was it justifiable? Their excuse was that I was too serious. What’s funny about making that person believe with something that is not true at all? Making me believe that love is a fucking fairytale when it’s all bullshit!

Until now I’m disgusted with myself and I can’t forgive myself for believing with that person. Even with the people I don’t have contact at all, they want to squeeze in with the matter and say stuff in behalf of me which they aren’t sure of! Until now, I’m still angry. I would never stop being angry and hating them until I get tired!

There are people who are self-righteous. Blaming other people with the mistakes they’ve made. I get blamed for ruining a relationship! I get into the crowd because I’m single and I’m available and I’m fucking ready to mingle with anyone. If your attached with someone or your currently in-love with someone, why mingle in the crowd in the first place? Can’t read between the lines? If your trying to fix a relationship with someone, why hook up with the other?! I get blamed for being too attractive? Did I flirt? I was just being friendly moron! I didn’t come over you, you did!!

I have to keep my distance with my FORMER best friend coz she chose to kept silent! I know she knows something but she prefer to be silent because she has other friends on the other side. Well, If that’s what she wants, then fine! I feel being betrayed. I tried to open up with her but she kept her mouth shut. I can’t pretend that everything is fine between us. And besides, she doesn’t need me anymore coz she has other friends who can benefit her.

They say they don’t have the intention to hurt me. That’s totally bullshit and full of crap. That is a speech for the self-righteous person. If I’m going to analyze back all the things they’ve said, they planned it out. They have the intention to make a fool of me because they think I’m totally evil, the most wicked and slut person in the whole world and they want to punish me because they think I deserve it!

I want to have my revenge on them but they should be thankful, I’m still God fearing. If I don’t have fear with God, I swear I’d do witch craft stuff on them. I swear! They should be thankful that God is holding me back to not do it.

Whatever happened in our past, learn to appreciate it’s lesson who ever you are right now, enjoy and treasure it! If you want to move on, acceptance and adjustment is all you need. Once you decided to move on, don’t look back ‘coz it might hurt you. There’s no such thing as mr. or ms. right unless they let their self to be the right one just for you.

Thoughts like these have already entered my mind before, like “told you so” kind of thing. But I’ve only realized until today or have absorbed those thoughts. It’s definitely true and I totally agree that if we want to move on, never look back coz we might get hurt. In the first place, why do we want to move on either with a person or anything? It’s because it didn’t work out between you and the other person or you want to improve yourself, move forward.

I always have the tendency to look back on the past and I keep on coming back until I’ve proven it to myself that this may have worked or not. Maybe I’m just too persistent, too nice, too hopeful that the good stuff might happen but as it always turns out, its nada.

I think I’ve gotten someone’s head swollen today coz I came back and asked that person again. Well, he’s free to savor the ego boost. I’d assume I’m the laughing stock again, the funny topic that “he” and his friends would talk about. But it’s ok. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m the loser anyway, in their own perception. The plus side for me with this predicament is that I’ve finally gotten to the end. I can finally say: now I know! And it’s a relief in my part because I don’t have to think about him anymore or rather I won’t be thinking of the what-if’s. Like I’ve finally placed a period to the end of a statement. I don’t know why I’ve been feeling this way right now. Like I’m a bit happy. It’s kinda weird though coz last night I was so damn upset.

I find myself funny now if I look back and think of my behavior about the whole predicament. I was like crazy silly, totally retarded. Getting crazy over a guy who actually never cared about me at all and I believed (stressing on the “ed” as past tense!)  that what we had was special. It’s like bloopers. The realization of that predicament WAS that it defined them who they are. And I’m proud that even if I’m such a BAD ASS, I was still so very true of myself.  Like I didn’t play a sick joke to myself. And that is what’s keeping me standing with pride even if I had my heart broken a f*cking million times!:D For the fun-loving people, they’d say I was too serious. But I don’t care. That defines you, that defines me. A few weeks ago, I was in a gloomy attitude and I promised to myself many times that I would never fall in-love again! Like that guy would be my last love! Was I serious?!:D That would be stupid of me! I would say that that guy wasn’t worthy that he’d be my last love. I mean no offense dude. He was such a good actor and I totally believed him. I’m not mocking him though. I’m serious, he should take this as a compliment, an achievement that he had a girl fall for him hard! It’s like, WOW. Totally, he has a convincing power and it’s a skill.

After that predicament, right now, I want to have fun, flirt with guys, make them drool, fall “in-love” again , like someone or in short be infatuated with someone, get laid perhaps?:D  Maybe… Maybe, if he’s still ok with me even if I was a bad ass , I’m willing to befriend him again. I mean seriously!:) Maybe we’d joke around about the things we’ve said and just laugh hard about it.

My plans right now would be setting out in a different environment. The real environment, for a change. It would also be a vast environment to choose from… If you know what I mean. I mean I play for real. I play for keeps. It’s much realistic, I get to see “it” (whatever that “it” means) firsthand. The disadvantage of this new plan is I’d be “idle” for awhile coz guys in the real world get stiff of me. I would say I’m blunt when someone flirts at me so I guess they’d be really having a hard time, unless I would make it easier for them. What I just hate about being in the playing field in the real world is that the guys that I like would get stiff of me coz they get tense to interact with me. So most of the time, they’d only give me the looks and what can I do about that? Just look at them back too? I need action!  You talk to me, be aggressive! Like if you want me, then do it! Jeez!!:D

I just recently canceled my Twitter account. It was supposed to be my real voice but I’ve observed that some Unidentified is stalking me. I’m not assuming like I’m some f****** celebrity. I just wanted to be left alone, in peace.

Somehow, that Unidentified is telling me that the blame is all on me. I would never accept the notion that its all my fault. I know I did some mistakes but again and again, MY ACTIONS ARE JUSTIFIABLE. It seems like I don’t have the f****** right to be mad. Who are they? God?! Middle finger for you people.

God has spoken to me, I think its a sign. It’s inevitable that I would get hurt by everyone but I just have to see if they’re worth suffering for. Deciding to leave, quit or give up someone is not damn easy. I’ve left several times to different people and I would say now it was a good decision. Many times it have occurred that I should look back and stay but I’m glad I didn’t coz they weren’t worth suffering for.

There are times that an inner voice inside me would say to just stay, wait, hope and pray while the other voice inside me would just say move on, there’s someone out there destined for you. But now it’s a bit different, the first one is telling me to move on, don’t give up in trying to be happy. While the other is telling me to stop and just quit looking coz I’ll get hurt all over again.

I’m talking crap now. I better end this.

Well, well, well… When was my last serious discussion here? It was last November 2009! Again, OMG for me! Shocker. I’ve been away for quite a longtime, I would say. Now here I am.  Alone and have lots of thoughts in my head. Seriously my dear blog, I think your the only one I could really confide to. Bestie is already busy with family, not that I’m jealous. I totally understand her. But the GAP… the gap has taken place and I don’t know where to pick things up. She has a new set of friends and I would say, since the misunderstanding happened, I sort of told myself that I would keep things to myself and won’t tell her anymore. Not that I like her less already but I think she’s fed up with my pessimism, the drama and shit of my life. But still, God knows I’ve been very thankful for having her as a friend. She was always there no matter what shit I’m in from school matters to guy troubles. I think there would be a point in our lives, and for mine, this is the moment where in I have to grow up, learn to be by myself and not assume that my best friend would always be there for me. I think in this stage of our friendship, this is the time we learn and treasure our friendship the most by cherishing the times we have when we were inseparable. She did visit me though, like 3 days ago. She came here at home to visit me and It was great coz she really took an effort coming here considering my place is the far other end from her place. That day, her presence made me realize that still life is bearable even if I’m in the same old problem.

As for today, after work though, I did a bit of shopping. I wanted to buy a new set of nice undies and a lingerie. As I pass from one rack to another, I ask myself why would I buy this when I don’t have anyone? or rather “him“. The conversation that we had keeps on playing in my head like how would be our first night together would be like? Sounds pathetic and if he would be reading this, he would be ROFL. I know that for him, all the things that he told me where just make up stories. I know I bit on that lie. I did believe that it was real when it was supposed to be just for fun for “him and them“. When it was supposed to be a different version of MTV Punkd. I know.. I got punkd! … What I’ve understood is it was just supposed to be for entertainment. And silly me, hopeless romantic me, the weaker side of me surfaced out coz deep inside, the very part of me is crying out, pleading. Me, me, me! Choose me…    :(

At first and that I would truly clarify, my intention was only for “practical” purposes. That time, there were two faces that were playing in my head. Third was him. I was sure about gambling with him but a part of me was hesitant. What if “first” would come back and straighten things out but “second” came in to place, it might be him… I thought he was sincere, pouring out to the maximum level. I cried the night he asked me. I honestly say, I thought my prayers were finally heard, the one that I’ve been waiting for finally came and that the reward that God had prepared for me for “assuming” winning the battle of life. I thought I must have done something really good for having him. But it turn out to be the worst, the climax, the turning point to be the downfall of the heroine in me and become a dead martyr or perhaps the laughing stock of the century. He said he was real, that he was true. But as I “listen” to conversations, it made me believe it was just an act. It was like a lesson to be learned by aggressive, hard fucker people like me. I think they’re pointing out that I deserve to be treated that way coz I’m a slut. Well, I think I really am. But an honest slut though…:) I think thats my only consolation as being honest… Some said that I should be avoided bcoz I’m a slut. As if those people who said that had never benefited the slut in me.

When I think of those three people that I’ve loved, I can’t believe that I did love them even if they sold me to their friends and be the bet. When the “war” broke out, my mom got worried coz she thought I was in some serious emotional trouble. I did try to hide my defeat but I just could’t help it coz my sobs were really loud and mom can hear it in her room.

As the days go by and lies are slowly revealed, it made me realize that it was only me who was really honest and sincere. The account is a manifestation that I only belong in the other side of the line. All the mental torture, the jokes…I think I would really believe now that I’m crazy and that I’m really hearing voices on my own. Some would also say, I was taking it too personally. Of course I would take things personally coz this is about me. A friend said the reason I can’t have someone is because I’m too serious. What does this mean? Do i have to feel sorry for myself for being me?

I think that for this last battle of mine, recalling the moment when I was 6 years old, bearing the thought that I’d find The One meant for me, like I constantly have a flashback with all the heartaches I’ve gone through, this would be my last final blow. I swear I would never love again. I’m already scared and there’s nothing left for me already. My pride, the respect and everything. On the physical aspect, it’s somehow zero. But then I consider it as counted coz I said yes to you, I offered myself to you even the views that strongly uphold before, you made me put myself to cross over the line.

I’m praying that you will never change your decision, that you would stick to your decision of leaving and giving up on me. Coz I’m going to runaway, leave, hide in my safe dwelling place and never come back.

For the last time… I love you.

My elder sister left Phil to work. I cried. I cried not because I’d miss her but I cried because she left me with a big responsibility which is to raise her kid. Though I love my niece, I’m not prepared to be a mother yet. I even promised to myself not to have kids because of the fear I might not be able to raise my kid to be a good person. My greatest dilemma is raising kids and giving birth. I’m 25 years old and I haven’t done so much for myself yet. I would say I have been busy helping and pleasing people and that I have forgotten to take care of myself. If ever I’d get to live until seventy, I’m soooo left behind already. I haven’t accomplished anything yet. I haven’t partied so hard yet. I haven’t drank so much beers yet. I haven’t got my eyebrow pierced yet. So many things I wanted to do and some  that I will not just mention here to avoid profanity.

I have always thought that I would die by 30. Now I recently turned 25, I only have 5 years left. Not enough time that I would be able to enjoy life… They say it’s on how you live your life…I agree. But with problems, responsibilities and a few choices, who would be? It’s inevitable.

For this day, I’m still thankful that I’m still alive (no matter how many times I wanted to go RIP). I’m thankful I was able to go to the mall, dine out and got treated by my cousins to watch a movie. See? That simple. I try my best to be happy…

After seeing his press conference on TV, I feel saddened with his decision. First of all, he’s my personal favorite as a presidential candidate. I really believe and trust his aspirations for the country.

My initial reaction towards Senator Mar’s decision, is that I felt disappointed for Sen. Noy Aquino and the people who encouraged and asked him to run for president, coz I was thinking they were being selfish and making an abrupt decision. Bearing the position as head of the state is not simple. Simple as that. Deciding to be a president in a spur of a moment is not good. It takes a lot of preparation and since public service has long been abused for personal gratification, you should  have a track record to prove it to the people that you can do something. Though I’m confident that Sen. Noynoy Aquino is not corrupt and I also see his sincerity to serve the country, what I’m just after is the readiness for the position.

I also watched the TV report  last night regarding Korina Sanchez’s opinion about Sen. Mar’s decision. And she said that if you look at Sen. Mar Roxas notebook that he carries most of the time, what you can see in there are prayers about God, saying and asking he wants to change what’s wrong or bad but he finds it difficult…

‘Panginoon, ito ba talaga ang gusto mong ipagawa sa akin? Gusto kong baguhin ang mga nakikita kong mali, pero bakit ba napakahirap?’ ‘Yan ang dasal niya.’

That is whats totally heart aching… This is where we can clearly see that Sen. Mar has a complete sincerity to serve the country, which is only a few are like that. I’ve also watched another interview of Sen. Mar on TV explaining his decision. He said that he’s at peace with his decision and his only goal is what’s best for the country. Purely what he did was a selfless act. Somehow I’ve accepted that thought and my vote is now open for Sen. Noynoy Aquino. Let’s just pray that if ever Sen. Noy Aquino will be president, we will support him and not bombard him with critics coz what usually happens here in the Philippines is we vote for a president then later on get him impeached.

God bless us all!

To view Sen. Mar’s Speech, click  here.

As I’ve stated in my blog entry, Kagay-anon, I do recognize the people who help to make this city better. Especially the people who are doing the Tatak Environmentalist people at the 1st Rafting Adventure at Tiano-Hayes Sts. I totally approve their cause and I’m even planning to show my support by buying their shirt! (Nag endorse nako nimo ha!) I understand what you feel that AS IF your efforts were not counted or bypassed when I wrote this blog entry, which is not. How many times do i have to tell you that i recognize the people who are helping this city, ba?! As i’ve stated in my blog, there are only a few people who are trying to make this city better like 10% or less of the entire CDO population.

I think u’ve misunderstood what I’m trying to point out here.  You promote tourism in our city and even provide jobs..Well that’s good! As in! We have different ways on how we encourage people, if that’s what you call it. For me, I point out more on the negative sides SO THAT PEOPLE WILL BE AWARE OF THEIR BAD ATTITUDES OR WAYS, of what’s happening and the consequences and do something to change. I’m not endorsing myself as a self-righteous jerk and I’M NOT PUTTING DOWN THE TOURISM IN CDO.

I don’t know if you noticed but most of the people here in CDO don’t have the INITIATIVE to help. They have the attitude like “let the others do it!” They wait for other people or authorities to stand up and clean the dirt when the right way to do it is they can start doing change within themselves. Like you, you have to setup an organization “PA” so that people will be well aware that our mountains are getting bald. Most people ONLY start doing things right when a bad event already happened. If people would just have the initiative, like SOP initiative, there wouldn’t be a problem.

The main point is this city is called the City of Golden Friendship for no reason at all. This entry is not about YOU getting your efforts unrecognized. The “golden” title just emerged coz of the history of our city that the CDO rivers has lots of gold. The word “friendship” should be omitted or change the CDO title into something else.

I”m stressing out the day-to-day activities on how Kagay-anons deal with circumstances. Like the recent event, last August 29, there was a fireworks competition at SM area. There was a huge traffic after the event. The drivers don’t have discipline, they pass in the lane w/c is not intended for them and don’t give way that’s why the vehicles aren’t moving. I’m talking about the whole attitude of Kagay-anons! And the most ironic part of it, an American guy, NOT A KAGAY-ANON,  did the initiative to deal with the traffic (at Macapagal road). Some of the drivers even protested of the American guy’s good deed coz he was like trying to be a hero and standing in the way. My uncle,  who was also stuck in that traffic but in the other side of the Pueblo area, said that a guy also tried to help regulate the traffic, but no one followed him  coz he wasn’t an authority but just an ordinary citizen and just criticized him for standing in the way, “nagpaka-hero”. Is that what you call Golden Friendship?

To Kagay-anon, do I have to blame the RTA, the traffic enforcers, the people who organized the fireworks event for not foreseeing the huge traffic? The LTO for not disciplining well the drivers or the local officials for not making  huge roads? Do I have to blame myself? There’s nothing wrong to be optimistic or to promote the positive side of things and of course I totally disagree about dwelling with what’s wrong with “what.” This is our city. It’s not good to ignore the bad things and just promote the good stuff. That’s totally in denial or no care, if that’s the case.

If you don’t agree that this is a CALL, for me this is a call, or for you, you might think I’ve used the word CALL incorrectly, then lets just make this as a shout out!